


Depths of despair

by BayLeaf23



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:12:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7223647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BayLeaf23/pseuds/BayLeaf23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Falling in love with your best friend is easy, falling out of love? Not so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Depths of despair

**Author's Note:**

> I decided not to post my other fic 'Take Shelter' (that I gave a preview of a few months back) until it was a completed work, and it's turned out to be a lot longer than I had anticipated. So for the meantime, here's a relatively short piece I've been playing around with. Let me know what you think. It's a little different.
> 
> This first chapter is literally running through (albeit briefly) Ashlyn's background. So excuse the excessive amount of flashbacks.
> 
> Also, I have put a few lyrics from some of my favourite songs in each chapter, so hazard a guess in the comments section after you've finished reading. Some will be easier than others.

Ashlyn turns to face the woman sleeping beside her, admiring the way her eyelids flutter in her restless state. She momentarily allows herself to fully appreciate how beautiful she is, before reminding herself that she would never be hers to admire. A small smile plays at her lips as she entertains that fantasy for a short while, what their life would be like if they had fallen in love, if they hadn’t called it quits before anything could really begin. She thought back to the first moment they laid eyes on one another.

* * *

 

_Ashlyn tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach, and her sweaty palms, and the way that the blonde-haired beauty was staring intensely at her from across the room. But she couldn’t tear her eyes away from those beautiful emerald orbs, or her perfectly white teeth, or those gloriously long legs. She was quite the vision, Ashlyn mused._

_The girl took a long swig of her drink and approached her confidently, smirking, like a lion toying with its prey. Ashlyn swallowed thickly as she tried to muster a look that didn’t convey just quite how anxious she was feeling. She allowed her eyes to roam the full length of the girl before her and opted for an equally arrogant smirk to play at her lips._

_“What’s a pretty girl like you doing, standing all alone in a joint like this?” She leaned in closely and Ashlyn could smell the girl’s floral scented shampoo. “Maybe we should get out of here.”_

_Ashlyn choked on her drink as she felt crimson invade her cheeks. Apparently girls were more forward here than back home. “I, uh. Well, I, I’m not-”_

_“Oh god, you’re not into girls are you?”_

_“No, it’s not that, I’m definitely into girls. I just–” Ashlyn mumbled, her cheeks reddening by the second. The beautiful blonde girl took a step back and her eyes turned a paler shade of green. Ashlyn felt relief course through her veins as she realised the girl had changed her agenda._

_“You must be new around here, I haven’t seen you before.” The blonde girl smiled gently, and Ashlyn was taken aback by the softness of her voice. She must be able to see straight through me, thought Ashlyn, as the girl had obviously decided small talk would get her further than coming on strong._

_“Yeah, uh, I moved here from Florida State a few weeks ago.” Ashlyn blushed._

_“Ah, a little far from home aren’t we? I can’t say much myself though, I’m a Cali girl born and raised.” She grinned, putting Ashlyn at ease. “What brings you to North Carolina?”_

_“I have a soccer scholarship, but I guess more than that I just needed a break from home. I mean, the place is great – the people though, not so much.” Ashlyn shrugged nonchalantly._

_“Ahh, so you’re the fresh meat in goal eh? We’ve heard great things about you.”_

_Ashlyn smiled slightly at the compliment and nodded slightly. “Hopefully I don’t disappoint you.”_

* * *

 

Ashlyn watches the steady rise and fall of her best friend’s chest. The moonlight shines through the half-drawn curtains and casts her in an angelic light. She is so thankful that she has a friend like her in her life, and yet that thought makes her equally sad.

* * *

 

_“Are you ready for the grand tour?”_

_“As ready as I’ll ever be.”_

_“Don’t worry, we’ll have a few days to settle you in before training picks up on Tuesday. All the girls are stoked to have you – and excited to meet you of course.”_

_“I am excited too, nervous though mostly.”_

_“That’s understandable. They’re a really great bunch of girls though. You’ll fit right in.” Ashlyn smiled at her new friends attempt to calm her nerves._

_They made their way around campus, laughing and enjoying the last of the summer sun. Ashlyn felt like she had finally found somewhere that she could be herself._

* * *

 

Looking back fondly at the memories they had shared a few years previous, she glances once more at the woman beside her. She turns back towards the ceiling of their one-bed apartment and sighs. All it came down to, was that she couldn’t bear to lose their friendship, so she had buried her feelings and broken her best friend’s heart. A rather cowardly thing to do thinking back on it.

* * *

 

_Ashlyn squeezed her eyes shut, her game-saving stop in the last minute of regulation time was being thoroughly rewarded by the stunning blonde settled between her legs. Her breaths came quickly, muscles rippling, as she forced herself to look into those captivating emerald orbs. A smirk played across her lips, as she stared intensely at the blonde goddess beneath her, willing her star defender to hurl her into a pleasurable abyss._

* * *

 

Ashlyn felt the heat in between her legs as she blushed at the memory. She tried to remind herself that this was what she had wanted. She had wanted friendship, nothing more, and her best friend had respected that, so now it was her turn to respect the platonic nature of their relationship. Her eyelids grew heavy as she thought back on that stormy afternoon.

* * *

 

_“It’s not that I don’t find you attractive, you know that, you’re beautiful both inside and out. I’m just not looking for that kind of commitment, I’m adjusting to a new city, my home life is a mess, and your friendship means too much to me to carelessly lose.”_

_“So, what you’re saying is, you won’t be with me because you like me too much? Well that makes sense Ashlyn.”_

_“Please don’t do this, I care about you so deeply, you know that, but you are the only simple thing in my ridiculously complicated life, and I need you to stay that way. I need you.”_

_“What about what I want? What I need?” She sighed heavily. “We’ve been going backwards and forwards for months now. Don’t you give a damn how I feel?”_

_Tears start pooling in Ashlyn’s eyes as she looks into the desperate emerald ones of her best friend. “I would give you the world if I could, but that’s just not something I can do right now.”_

* * *

 

Ashlyn feels the all too familiar cloud of hopelessness descend upon her as she fights back tears, remembering what she’d put her through. The guilt seeps into her veins and she feels herself falling to its mercy. Falling to the depths of despair she acquainted so often these days.

Whit stirs beside her and slings an arm haphazardly across her waist, as Ashlyn tries desperately to calm her rapidly beating heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! I'll post more, if you comment more. 
> 
> And whilst I endeavour to make this as accurate as possible, regarding the American college system and day-to-day life, I am English and have a very limited knowledge of US culture beyond TV and film representations. Feel free to correct any mistakes (politely!) in the comments.


End file.
